Collection of Thoughts... Where I Am in Life

Hello to anyone who may happen to stumble into this blog! I apologize to any reader who has stuck around long enough to see me post this.... where has time gone? I am incredibly sorry for my unreliable blogging.

The older I get and the more exposed I become to life, I realize so very much. For starters, most of our life is spent either looking forward or backwards and never right then, in the present. Happy people have mastered this very task, embracing life as it comes. But what about people like me, the people who lack being content, what's our solution for happiness? I've spent so much time pinpointing happiness. Times like when I reach my target weight, get that super grade in a challenging class, form an ideal group of friends, or when a certain challenge I'm facing has disappeared. I've realized what I have been doing... I've been waiting for happiness to come to me instead of incorporating it into the present and where I am at that given moment. This creates a void of loneliness within, longing to be filled.

I have been waiting since August to be content. Something I've never going to be. It's not bad, but just who I am. Maybe it's the fact that I am perfectionist, a soaring eagle, or simply just a Type A personality, but I am always striving for bigger and better. The kids at school classify me as an "over-achiever," a title that I strive to keep. I love this trait of mine, but hate it just as much. I was thinking about this the other night when I had a revelation, "Are we ever really content?"

No, I don't think so. Life is always ready to throw us another curveball. We have to accept the clutter, disorganization, flaws, and imperfections in our life to be happy and to find that realistic level of contentness. (Yes, I know, that's not a word.)

As much of a big thinker as I claim to be, in some aspects of my life, I excessively micro-manage. I stress and sweat over the little things and treat every event as though it is life or death.

I've noticed something about myself, I notice things.

People tell me that noticing shortcomings and problems is great, the first step, the hardest part, what-have-you. This, however, is a false statement because we all notice, deep down, we all know. The challenge is not allowing ourselves to deny them. We have to either accept them or change them in order to reach this idea of content.

xoxo,
sarah elizabeth

Why I Write

*****Once again, sorry for my long MIA on this blog. What can I say? I've been living. Life gets hectic, now and then.

Confidence is the most attractive thing I find in others. I said confidence, not cockiness. People from the outside view me as confident, and I believe in some aspects I am, but there are times when I really feel weak, like a failure, and shy.

I think especially at this time in my life - these teenage years - we often doubt ourselves. We need others to tell us our qualities and flaws from time to time. For me, I have trouble accepting that I have any qualities and often hide in the shadows of my flaws.

People always compliment me, encourage me, and tell me how great I am, and that's so super sweet of them, but I never believe them, because I don't see the beauty in myself. That is, except for my writing.

When I write, I don't need others to tell me it's good - I already know it. (And that's accepting my talents, not being cocky!!)

So, hopefully this answers any question one might have about why I write. I write for me. I write because no matter how many talents I may have, I know that writing is one. That's a confident acceptance, and that's why I believe my writing consistently improves, because you see my confidence shine through.... And confidence is the most attractive thing.

May God bless you all until next time!

xoxo, Sarah Elizabeth

Love Thy Neighbor: My American Dream

Life is going to test us. It's going to try to break us. Life, itself, is the test of our knowledge, ability, tolerance, and well-being. We can choose to let the little things destroy us or enable them to make us stronger. It ultimately is our choice, a choice, more of a promise, that is easier to make than to keep.

I, like Martin Luther King Jr., have a dream, although mine is much different, yet very much the same. I dream a world of love. I dream a world of laughter. I dream a world of living. As I am growing up, I can't help but notice how life interferes with life. (Oh, the irony.) What happened to the days that I never got to know, the days where children could walk from house to house and play unsupervised with the neighborhood kids as long as they promised to be home by dinner time, the days when school was important, but not everything, and the days when life was lived and when you died, you were simply "lived out." Reading, watching, talking, and listening allow me to comprehend this "simpler" time, a time that I, in the very least, would have liked exposure to. Yes, there are so many new and equally wonderful things in my childhood, better safety and security precautions, stronger and worldlier education, and so much more required in living even a basic life. Some of these changes are welcomed and improve the "American Dream" way of life, where others simply go against every principle our four fathers set out to instill. It's no one's fault perhaps, more of a society failure. Today, we are judged on our parents' professionalism, family's annual income, connections with the "big wigs," and falling into this "image" society paints out for us. Growing up in the 21st century is hard, technology captures our every mistake and can destroy our futures before they even begin. Every generation faces its very own and different challenges, but in our case, as the children of the early 21st century, we lose the precious time to adapt. Before our futures can begin, we are already judged, based on mistakes from our extremely early life.

I'm young. I can't tell myself, yet alone anyone else how to live their life. I can't accurately predict the mistakes you'll make and what your future can hold. I can't take a giant eraser and sweep any of our records clear of their imperfections, but there's one thing I can do. There is one piece of advice I can give: Love Thy Neighbor. Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself. Call me naive, ignorant, young, clueless, but I see that a world filled with love, as opposed to hatred, is a beautiful one. Why can't there be love in this world?

Now, I have a message, to you. Whether you're a child of the 21st century, an adult learning to adapt to this century, or an elderly person who has given up on this whole technology transformation, here's what the future can be:

LOVE

Yes, I see that my Catholic education has done its job. It has sheltered me. I get that this dream is "far-fetched" and quite "out there," but I see it being more successful than the pressing issues such as gun control, gay marriage, healthcare, immigration, and all the other political issues that aren't "changing" America into the country that it should be. So, why not try to love all. Love can maybe not fully resolve, but can help every pressing political issue. Love can conquer all. How do I know this? There's many sources, but here's one we are all familiar with:

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

1 Corinthians 13: 4 -7

This is true to Catholics, Christians, atheists, and beyond. It stands true to whatever political party you associate yourself with. Because love defines the human race, the American dream, and ultimate happiness. Love is involved in making to self-actualization on any quality of life pyramid. Love is America's only hope for surviving. We have to stop this path leading to hatred.

 Mother Teresa said, "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." 

God called us to love: He does this in many instances.

The Ten Commandments teach us the very steps to take to be fulfilled, happy, and to love. In fact, I believe the ability to love can be made clear in these 10 commands. 

In the Fifth Commandment, we are taught "Do not kill." This includes the pulling of a trigger on a gun to a very pressing issue in society, abortion. 

The issue of gun control and abortion can be addressed in the quote below.

"Human life is sacred because from its beginning it involves the creative action of God and it remains for ever in a special relationship with the Creator, who is its sole end. God alone is the Lord of life from its beginning until its end: no one can under any circumstance claim for himself the right directly to destroy an innocent human being." {Catholic Catechism}

I can talk and address this issue in much more detail, but I believe that America is a Christian nation. We allow freedom of religion, but we are Christian nation. We can't force you to believe in God, but you have to accept that WE do and apply our laws in relation to that. So, go to your place of worship, believe whatever it is that you wish to believe, but love. Love all. 

Love has an essence that can't be defined in any single definition. Within love, there is tolerance, endurance, compassion, determination, support, faith, and hope.

If we can create a nation of love, then we spread love to the world.

I think I've finally discovered my vocation: spread love.

My dream for the world is love. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream was love. His just on a more specific scale. I see, what he saw, and that is potential. America has the potential of being just about anything. 

Pressing political issues can be fixed by simply looking at the big picture, by simply seeing what America can be, by looking past the imperfections at the potential.

Love thy neighbor.

Sarah Elizabeth Wilson

The Healthiness of Anger

***Before I begin, I promise to become a more dedicated blogger. I'm sorry, I've just had the most hectic, yet blase summer. Sorry for the delay, this post took several blogging sessions to complete.***

"In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.  He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." 

- Ephesians 4: 28 - 31

Nowhere in the bible is it going to tell us that anger and hatred are good. Nowhere is it going to encourage to get angry every once in a while, get a little mad. A part of me has lately discovered the benefit to anger. Anger leads us to determination, to dedication, and to discovering passion for whatever angers us. But with this said are the many drawbacks, the many negativities. These are the ones the bible warns us about, our parents teach us to avoid, and we try so hard to prevent. 

I've done a little research on this, but not much. Anger is not a sin, according to the Catholic Web sites I've been looking up. Now if it's excessive and promoting extreme negative actions, that's another story. But getting angry every once in a while is good. It reminds us that we are our own individuals and we have our own opinions. But don't allow anger to take over your life. Get angry and let it go. Take 3 deep breaths. Go outside and scream. Punch a pillow - not a person. Lock yourself away, even it's only for a moment. Remind yourself that it is all going to be alright. Pray to God. 

When was the last time you were angry, and I mean really angry? What was it about? Can you identify the source of that anger? 

Life goes on. 

We're told not to be angry, but that essentially has us build up within us these feelings of hatred, anger, and resentment.

So, I leave you with these words:

Be angry, Be happy. Feel the way you feel, and don't deny yourself of these feelings.

Love God, Love Others, Love Yourself.

- Sarah Elizabeth

Unanswered Prayers

"Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers."
Quoted From Garth Brooks' Unanswered Prayers

Just Some Thoughts On My Mind:

I know that I spend more time praying than probably just about any other "thing" in my life. Before you think I am some amazing Catholic, let me further explain. I pray for myself: whether it be the strength for the task, day, or struggle; something on my wish list; or for others. However, when I pray for others, I feel like I am praying for myself. Follow this scenario:

Let's say for instance I pray that our family can cut out certain technology use to grow closer. {Not that this would EVER go over well in my household!!} Yes, I am wanting it for the wellbeing in all of us, but deep down I feel it's mostly for myself.

God has blessed me with such an amazing life and so many wonderful things within it. I have had the opportunity to experience and take part in so many amazing happenings. I have a great family that has instilled me wonderful morals and values. This list could go on for days, but I am so amazingly grateful.

Something that I truly believe has been beneficial to my personal growth is seeing and growing to know those less fortunate than I. Essentially, it has made me more aware of the world around me and much more grateful for all the good in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

However, I often allow myself to think I'm a bad person. Am I? I would hope not, especially since I strive to be the best person I can each day. I fall short of my goals each day. I make mistakes. Often, people tell me that noticing this is the important thing, but I don't know how much I believe it. Yes, it's important to realize our shortcomings, but what's the good if we can't change and better ourselves. I try, I really do, but I always manage to mess everything up.

And lately, as I reflect upon myself and my past, I am so eternally grateful to God for my unanswered prayers. I am grateful to him for allowing me to make mistakes, to push through the hard times, to dream big, perhaps unrealistic dreams, and more than anything for my sensitivity. 

I wish to be stronger, but at the end of the day, I am me!!! I care perhaps too much for other's feelings. I care too much about what I think I do wrong. I take things personally, and assume others do to. That essentially makes me so much more of a caring person.

GOD SHOWED ME WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE HURT WITH THE INTENTION TO CARE FOR OTHERS!!

So, you know, I might care too much, but I don't want others to hurt. I don't want others to bear pain, at least the pain I can reduce.

Goodnight! Go give your family a hug and thank the Lord.

Because tonight, I am thanking the Lord for my unanswered prayers!

May the Lord Bless You All Tonight,

Sarah Elizabeth

Uncertainty Lurking

I'm not sure what to say right now. Everything around me seems to be a blur. My room, closet, and bathroom are a mess cluttered with clothes lying about. Summer school courses are in full swing and make me dread the awaited summer days. But life is good. I'm alive, well, healthy, and breathing. I have wonderful family and am beginning to make some magnificent friends. I'm working towards my dream body twice a week with a personal trainer. And I'm starting to focus more on what I eat, trying to balance some more health beneficial foods to my diet. I am happy. I never realized saying those three words could be so calming, reassuring, and above all, for the first time in a long time, true. Slowly, but surely, I feel myself wanting to laugh at the ever-going pettiness of those middle-school bullies. When I think of them and their actions, I feel anger exude within me, but then the Lord sends me the reassuring message of temporary pain and the greatest fact of life: it moves on. So when I see their latest text or Instagram post, I laugh, more of a chuckle, to myself. "Do you really think you're all that?" I ask myself. I know the answer, but I can't change it, so that leaves me with one choice: accept the things you cannot change.

So now, I pray:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

That's what I seek now, serenity. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

My mom has always said to me, "He who angers you controls you." Everyday, I realize how much more true this is. I'm tired of letting these people control me, so now I can't allow them to anger me. I have to regain control of myself. 

May God Bless,

Sarah Elizabeth

Within These Walls {Our Home's Rulebook}

I love my family. Not the blow-me-away first sentence you were expecting, but it's all truth. My family guides me through life, encourages me to open new doors, and can't lift me up high enough. With this, I could sit here all day and tell you things I wish we could do better, the petty arguments we have, or the constant battle finding the perfect balance of family time. Within us all, there is the need to fulfill "normalcy." Normalcy has simply now become an image. An image that individuals seek to fulfill. The funny thing about it is that this so called "normal" doesn't exist. So many people live out their days searching for something that's extinct, or maybe something that never existed. As much as I may sound like I have it all figured out, I don't. Part of me cares too much about what other people will think of me and my family.

Back to within the walls of our house, which is now truly a home. Our home isn't perfectly clean or new, it's simply lived in. Our meals aren't home-cooked, like other families, but they are equally delicious. Our mornings aren't stress-free and easy going, in fact, they couldn't be more chaotic. But within our home are the ingredients for happiness: faith, hope, and love. We might not make it to mass every Sunday, it's a flaw within our home, but we live each day with our virtues and Catholic values. We hope to please God and each other at the end of each day. And always, no matter what, we love. We love our friends, our neighbors, our enemies, each other, and God.

So now are official un-published "family rules":

• Within these walls, we live for God.
• Within these walls, we always do OUR best.
• Within these walls, we give hugs and kisses.
• Within these walls, we pray away our troubles.
• Within these walls, we help each other.
• Within these walls, we apologize for our wrongdoings.
• Within these walls, we share.
• Within these walls, WE LOVE!

I'm sure I'm forgetting many things, but our house wouldn't be a home if we were classified as "normal."

Many things are blooming in my life. I'm happy. I'm ready for all the greatness right before my eyes. More on my upcoming happenings this week.

God Bless!

XOXO,

Sarah Elizabeth